3: Body Scan: How Reconnecting with My Body Brought Clarity and Healing
In our modern culture, many of us are profoundly disconnected from our bodies. We live in a society that values intellect, productivity, and speed, which often drives us to operate almost entirely from our heads. For much of my life, I operated from my head, relying on rationalization and reasoning to navigate life's situations. This approach gave me a false sense of comfort and safety, even though the things I deeply desired and worked to create rarely materialized. Over time, I’ve come to understand that staying comfortable in our habits, mindset, and actions can be one of the greatest obstacles to growth—whether or not we’re consciously pursuing healing. More on this in a future post. We're encouraged to think, analyze, and problem-solve, often at the expense of feeling and being present in our bodies. This disconnection can leave us feeling anxious, restless, or even numb because we’re only engaging with a fraction of our full experience. Over time, this can distance us from the wisdom and intuition that our bodies naturally hold.
It was early morning when I scheduled my first healing session with Bijou. I noticed that I felt incredibly nervous. Looking back, I realize that this nervousness and anxiety were my body’s way of communicating with me. At that time, I lacked body-mind coherence, so I misinterpreted what I now recognize as excitement for anxiety. Since then, I've learned that anxiety is often excitement obscured by unprocessed trauma and stress.
I also noticed an overwhelming sense of an internal battle, one that I had been fighting in different forms for much of my life. It was as if two parts of me were at odds: one part knew what was best for me—what I now recognize as my higher self—while the other wanted me to stick with what was familiar, even if it was dysfunctional—my ego. These two forces seemed locked in an uneven fight. My ego was intense and dominant, while my higher self felt too timid to do much more than brace itself and hope for the best.
With the benefit of hindsight, I can now clearly see these parts of myself. But at that moment, I was only aware of feeling stuck, confused, angry, frustrated, sad, anxious, and burdened by intense back pain.
The truth is our bodies are constantly communicating with us through sensations, instincts, and even subtle shifts in our posture or breath. Yet, in our day-to-day lives, we rarely tune into these messages. When we ignore or suppress this inner communication, we lose touch with valuable insights about our well-being and emotional states. For example, feelings of stress or unease often manifest in the body before they reach the level of conscious thought, but if we’re not attuned to these signals, we miss the early signs that something might be out of balance.
This disconnection often leads to various forms of distress and even illness. Our bodies are designed to process emotions and stress physically, but when we stay locked in our minds, we inhibit this natural flow, creating tension and blockages. Physical issues such as chronic pain, fatigue, and digestive problems can sometimes arise from this bottling-up of emotions, which the body tries to manage on its own. In essence, the body becomes an overflow vessel for unresolved thoughts and feelings that we don’t address.
With my mind racing and on the verge of tears, I sat down in my chair and opened Zoom for my first session with Bijou. From the very first moment, it was clear that Bijou was one of the most nurturing, warm, loving, and genuinely caring people I had ever encountered—even though I hadn’t physically met her yet. In truth, she felt like Mother Earth herself. I immediately felt a profound sense of safety, and so, we began.
The session started with Bijou guiding me into a safe, energetic space—a glowing gold bubble nestled among soft white clouds. Just remembering it gives me goosebumps. She gently asked how I was feeling, and for a split second, I thought about defaulting to, “I’m fine.” But instead, I told her the truth: I was in excruciating pain. Even reclined in my chair, the pain was severe and unrelenting. She didn’t dismiss or minimize it. She validated it, and then softly asked me to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths.
From there, she guided me through a body scan, starting at the top of my head. Slowly, deliberately, I began to tune into my body. Was it relaxed or tense? Where was the pain? What feelings or sensations were present? As I scanned downward—my face, neck, shoulders, chest—I reached my lower back and suddenly, everything stopped. I couldn’t go further. It was as though my body was shouting, stop and listen. So, I did.
I told Bijou what was happening, and she gently asked, “What’s coming up for you? What is your back telling you?” Her words lingered in my mind, and then, like a strong gust of wind, a memory surfaced with startling clarity.
I remembered an interaction with my dad the week before. We had gone to a sporting goods store to pick up an inversion table he’d bought for me to help with my back pain. Just an hour earlier, I’d been at the chiropractor and was still feeling off—wobbly, disoriented, like I was about to faint. Back then, living in such constant pain, even small adjustments left me feeling unsafe in my own body.
As we walked into the store, I felt a small head rush and instinctively reacted. My dad noticed and asked what was wrong. In that moment, I remember looking at him and saying, “I just need you to tell me I’m okay.”
As I shared this memory with Bijou, tears came. And they didn’t stop. I cried and cried—deep, soul-shaking sobs that carried decades of weight. Held in the safety of that golden bubble and with Bijou’s presence, the clarity hit me like lightning: I had never been reassured that I was “okay” in the way I deeply needed.
This realization, aided by plant medicine and Bijou’s guidance, was overwhelming and liberating all at once. For over 20 years, I had carried this invisible burden—feeling unseen, unsafe, and profoundly not okay. For years, I thought something was wrong with me. But in that moment, it became so clear: there was nothing wrong with me. I simply needed to know I was safe, supported, and okay.
It was like flipping a light switch. The fog of confusion that had weighed on me for years lifted, and suddenly, I was standing under bright, clear blue skies of understanding. In minutes—not weeks, not months, not years—but minutes, I had clarity that unraveled decades of internal pain and confusion.
Looking back, it’s almost impossible to articulate how profound this realization was. For so long, I had been stuck in survival mode—rationalizing my struggles, normalizing my pain, and telling myself that this was just who I was. I had grown so accustomed to the discomfort, the insecurity, and the lack of confidence that I didn’t even see them as problems anymore. They were simply me. They were my life.
But they weren’t.
That moment in my chair, with Bijou guiding me, was nothing short of magic. Absolute magic. A lifetime of confusion was lifted in an instant, and I was left with the kind of clarity that changes everything. Literal magic.
Reconnecting with our bodies requires cultivating a practice of body-mind coherence, where we give ourselves the space and time to check in with what we're truly feeling and experiencing. This could be as simple as noticing the rhythm of our breathing, scanning the body for areas of tension, or practicing gentle movement that encourages awareness. By doing so, we start to bridge the gap between our physical and mental selves, integrating them in a way that promotes true wellness.
As Bijou continued to hold space for me during this powerful moment, my body began to twitch—or more accurately, it started to shiver. But this wasn’t an ordinary shiver; it was intense and almost aggressive, concentrated mainly in my legs and lower body. Had I been alone, I would have absolutely freaked out. But in her loving, safe, and nurturing way, Bijou explained that what I was experiencing was a somatic release.
She told me that our bodies store energy—particularly negative and traumatic energy—and over time, this stored energy can influence our genes. It can signal them to express proteins that promote inflammation, disrupt healing, or heighten sensitivity to pain. This is how chronic pain, illness, or even addiction can manifest in our bodies. Her explanation was like a light bulb going off in my mind, and suddenly, what my body was doing made perfect sense.
I likened the experience to a tightly coiled spring being released all at once. My body had been holding onto the feeling of not being okay for so long, and in that moment of clarity and safety, it finally let go. The release was profound. My body softened. My back pain, which had been a 10, eased to a 7. I felt lighter—both physically and emotionally.
As incredible as this experience was, it was only the beginning. At the end of the session, I remember saying to Bijou and saying something like, “If this is just the first session and this monumental shift already happened, I’d better buckle the fuck up.”
And let me tell you—I was right.
The journey back to body-mind coherence is one of learning to trust and honor the signals our bodies send us. It’s about embracing the present moment and letting ourselves experience life fully, both mentally and physically. When we reconnect with our bodies, we ground ourselves in the here and now, becoming more resilient, balanced, and in tune with what we genuinely need.
Ultimately, fostering body-mind coherence isn’t just a personal journey; it’s a cultural shift toward valuing presence, well-being, and inner harmony. As more of us begin to recognize the importance of this connection, we can collectively move toward a way of living that is more whole and compassionate, creating a foundation for both personal and societal healing.
The Next Blog…
In my next blog, I’ll share the deeply personal journey of bringing my inner child out of the energetic unknown and into a safe, loving space. This process wasn’t just about emotional healing—it was a powerful step toward achieving true body-mind coherence. As I uncovered and held space for this hidden part of myself, my body responded in ways that were both surprising and deeply liberating. Join me as I explore how reconnecting with my inner child opened the door to greater alignment, healing, and a profound sense of safety within.